Well, that’s a bit of a scary word, one for which most of us have a general disgust. “I hate being manipulated,” we think as we conjure up a recent memory of someone forcing us to do something. Recently, though, I was reading, and a different thought popped into my mind that was as surprising as it was intriguing.
Here it is: what if manipulation was good?
Let me explain.
Imagine that you want a better looking body. So, you join a local gym and hire a personal trainer to help you reach your goals. This all sounds great, but during the training sessions the trainer is pushing you harder and harder, forcing you, manipulating you to do something there is no way you would have done otherwise. I mean, let’s be real, would I really have held that plank for the full 90 seconds or would I have collapsed after 45?
I don’t really think that this is a revelation to anyone. I mean
that’s the whole idea of a personal trainer anyway, right? He or she holds you accountable, helps you get to where you wanted to be but couldn’t get to on your own. (Try to keep that self-justification under control…I know we all could do it, but the fact of the matter is we didn’t do it). And we are all grateful (at least in the long run) for this sort of manipulation.
I suppose it all has to do with whether or not we want (or, at least, value) the change–even if that only happens in hindsight. I mean think of the manipulation of drug or alcohol rehab. That’s nasty stuff, and the addict or alcoholic may fight and complain the whole time. Imagine what would happen if for the sake of avoiding manipulation the rehabilitators just stopped and left that poor soul in a self-destructive cycle in which all of the odds were against him or her ever escaping. I think with this perspective we might begin to think that at least some manipulation might be good or even worthy.
I sometimes hear people talk negatively about religions chiefly by their appeal to the manipulation that goes on in their dogmas and rituals. But, isn’t this the same sort of thing as the personal trainer or drug rehab? Of course what we are “forced” to do might be uncomfortable, but isn’t that the point? Isn’t that what one wants? Help to change something they couldn’t change on their own? And when it comes to faith, that means building trust, hope, and love along guidelines that don’t exist in this life–not easy.
Still, some manipulation is simply evil, right? I mean, the sort of guilt-ridden make you do something you absolutely don’t want (and never wanted) to do kind of manipulation has to be bad, doesn’t it? Well, it can certainly be uncomfortable, and the people that engage in this sort of sinister behavior wouldn’t appear on my list of close friends. But manipulation only works if we are complicit. It isn’t manipulation if we don’t change. And realizing that we have permitted manipulation toward something we do not desire is a major personal revelation. We become instantly more aware and conscious. It opens an opportunity for us to refine and redefine what it is we want. And that is a moment of powerful leverage and growth.
So, manipulation might be good, or at least a useful tool to a better version of ourselves. There is no need to be afraid of it and run at the first scent of it. Instead, use it as a moment of personal definition and purpose.